Today, i got to chill with my best friend and my boyfriend, who both happen to be living in London. We checked out a church, got drench (suz took to walking bare foot through the streets of Clapham) and drank hot chocolate whilst the rain pounded the glass. It makes me feel safe and privileged to move to a place where i've brought a big part of home with me, although i don't doubt i'll make friends its reassuring to know im not in this alone. Not only do i have the support of my two closest non relatives, i can walk into two different buildings one a wear house one a chapel and be welcomed and considered amongst strangers.
Church is a personal thing.
What i realised today was that i longed for what i knew, but i remember that when i had that, i longed for something different.
Church is Community - but Church is Personal too, especially when your vulnerable amongst a group of unknown people for the first time. It was personal for me today, and by 'personal' i mean that i spent alot of the service analysing it, agreeing and disagreeing and scouring the room for potential friends and possibilities. It got to the point where i had to close my eyes, i close my eyes when i know im thinking to much about myself, my situation, or how im standing.
Once my eyes are closed, it shuts off others which consequentially shuts off me.
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