Age Unknown.

This week, i keep coming back to that picture. I've spent an unhealthy amount of time staring at it, trying to work out what id be thinking/feeling at that moment. I can't remember that day, but i remember what i was like as a little girl, lost in my imagination, wildly free, and abundantly loved. The photo was taken in our London flat, we had these amazing wooden french doors which i love, leading out into the garden. 

Im so fortunate to be in the place i am, but i can't help but want to be little Josie for a week. I'm thinking, that people wouldn't dream of saying or doing stuff to that little girl, but its ok to do it to the 19year old version. 

The most incredible thing is that, that girl is me, i keep wanting to write that she dosen't exist anymore, but she does, she just has brown hair. Whilst i was in Sri Lanka, i met a lady who last saw me when i was that age, and the first thing she said was..

"Your exactly the same, you just have brown hair"

I am exactly the same. 

I agree.

Llanelli Beach, one sunny Wednesday.

My dress follows my feet as i walk,

ageless, is the image i see.

Can't tell where in life i'd be,

but as you see me now,

clothed in a wedding gown.

I'm 100 percent 

that girl you placed in me.

Every now and then, i like to rummage through my clothes, 

i've got a selection of stuff which

i really love and every item holds memories -

i usually remember events by what outfit i was wearing that

day. 

I treasure my dresses, and being able to travel, i want

to build up a collection from around

the world.. a bit like collecting stamps, i guess. 

(Dress from Brighton, Zara, Barcelona, Sri Lanka, Made by me, Kezi, Zara, TK Max, TK Max, Topshop, Africa, Traffic People)

Borrow stuff if you want, clothes are to be worn. 

This is the dress i brought in Sri Lanka, its a traditional Muslim outfit, and i got 10% off cause i brought it the weekend of Hajj! The beading on it is amazing, and the colours are so beautiful, it cost around £15 for it all.

I got this in London, from a label called Traffic People, It was my prom dress, and i've only worn it out twice, but it makes you feel beautiful when you put it on. Topshop also stock the label, and it comes in all different colours. I've decided my bridesmaids  will be wearing it (when the day comes for me to choose.)

Today was also my little brothers birthday..I arranged the cakes!

I went to the beach yesterday morning, to play with my new camera, and discovered the record button. So you lucky people get to see the outcome of my productive morning. I spent alot of time thinking about Africa, so these are some of my thoughts, in a very rough video!...

Words..

You told me to pray that you'll make me fit for what you've called me to be,

You told me to pray that you'll fill my good ideas

and acts of faith with your own energy,

so that it all amounts to something.

You lead us back in time to where the sun still burns the ground orange.

To where people live within mud walls,

and walk miles for water.

You said tell them that you are there shepherd, and that they'll never need for anything else.

So we danced in the dark amongst the mosquitos, 

under the African stars,

we dressed like them, we tried to speak like them,

but we didn't look like them, 

that didn't matter. You made us different..

There was still love, there was still friendship.

We still peed down a hole, and we didn't complain..

Most of the time.

19

...

Welcome to the 20th year of your life Miss Mackenzie. 

And my o my it was the most eventful birthday i've ever had. Africa was a wonderful time for me, proper precious.

I just want to tell you quickly about one special day...

27th Feb 2011

The waking up at '5.30am' part, wasn't all that much of an issue for me, i was one of those kids, who got overly excited on special occasions, and rolled on up to my parents room, with wide eyes before sunrise. By 6.20 we were buying bread from the gentle faced  baker who always gave us an extra baguette, which Hannah felt strongly was a fundamental quality that she would like her future husband to possess.

Even when the door is held together by a bit of rope, and the engine is started from under the bonnet, you still hope that maybe, this bus will carry us safely 4 hours down dust tracks to the Capital city. With a soundtrack of constant clunking, Mim was praying that if it only worked in one gear ..it would be a slow one, whilst Rosie and Cerys seamed to be oblivious to any faulty engineering, and Han was being virtually sat on by (i'm sure a very safe,) knife carrying man in green.

A few 'Sprites' later and 5 are in the back of the pick up truck, surrounded by luggage and the rest are crammed into the cab, we're on our way. The Open back, gives you a great blast of terra-cotta sand, which after 2 hours, sets to give you a lovely glow. Was very funny to look at. 

Almost at destination when the tyre blows, this is a distinctive sound for those who are privileged enough to experience such a thing. I however, mentally related the sound to gun shots, and 'Got Down' at great speed. The tyre was wrecked!

By 3ish we had arrived, after being over taken by the bus which had let us down so greatly at 6.30am this morning. Next on the agenda swimming, this was fun, in a game of wrestling, my bikini top got pulled in the 'wrong' direction, and i became a real African Women, for that split second.

All garlanded in our traditional African outfits, us girlies headed off to a swish french restaurant, which was beautiful and chilled, carpeted with sand, and roofed with fabric, and i got serenaded to by a group of very enthusiastic waiters 'bonne aniversaire' It was amazing. A good start to my 20th year...